The female relationship bar in Punjab is moving beyond the closed confines of homes and is getting cosy in flings outside the grand old institution of marriage. The state is not new to the concepts of gigolos and male escorts anymore.
Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you- Lorreta Young.
A scarlet bunch of flowers, watching the sun go down together, scribbling mushy notes, the soft click of the wine glasses, mollycoddling in front of the bonfire. One caress from the beloved lends a glimpse into heaven. The voice of the beloved sounds like the voice of God. Love makes the world go around and when one is in love nothing else matters.
Love can hit you across any age, it doesn’t need any rhyme or reason. It hits you at the most unlikely of places and people. All is fair in love and war they say. We cannot agree more. But here we are not talking about the mushy teenage or college love, we talk of love which is forbidden in the social context. We talk of love which is baked over the expectations and approvals of the conservative and patriarchal Punjabi society. Here we are talking of love which transcends, right and wrong.
But wait is it love after all or is this love which comes with a kiss of lust and convenience on it. Is it love or a mere satisfaction of ones carnal desires? We hint at the all new burgeoning relationship trend which is hitting our society of late where women are getting into no bar relationships beyond the sacred fabric of matrimony. Sadly, most of the couples these days are into marriages of convenience where despite there being zero percent love or compatibility between them, both the partners decide on staying in a dead marriage because of reasons ranging from the ill effects on children, social position in society to other monetary and legal hassles. So both the partners carry on with their extra marital love interests whilst being in their marriage which is just confined to their marriage certificate. In most cases the couples don’t even like to stay in the same room or floor and keep their interaction with each other to the bare minimum.
Craving for love?
35 year old Mrs Chabbra is a mother of two children who study in a premier school of the city nestled in Sector 26, Chandigarh. Most of the time Chabbra’s husband is out on professional trips. Chabbra didn’t mind succumbing to the advances of her college crush with whom she is having a full blown affair from the last two years. The duo also heads to weekend retreats in the misty hill stations near Chandigarh after Chabbra drops her kids with her parents. She is happy about it while her better half doesn’t have an inkling. Maybe he has a life of his own after all, it all runs in the family. Anyways.
Another curious case is of the daughter in law of one of the premium business family of Jalandhar, who is known for her appetite for drinks, drugs and carnal hobnobs with the rich and the famous.
Another group of women from the ilk, we find are from Chandigarh who have members from all across Punjab in their monthly kitty. The women are all in their 50’s and have children all settled, the women are notorious in their friend circles as women who have flings outside of their marriage and don’t actually share any kind of relationship with their husbands. Staying in one house, they stay in separate rooms or floors. The husband and the wife don’t have anything common between them except a marriage certificate which is gathering dust. Confides a septuagenarian from the group, “the women in our kitty are all independent and some of them pretty famous in their fields. They all have flings and affairs outside their marriages. Most of them don’t have a healthy relationship with their husbands something which explains their looking out for the satisfaction for their needs.”
Well, talk of love bordering along the forbidden and there are many takers. Simran Singh, a 40 year old doctor, who works with a leading hospital in Mohali, shares, “I have many friends who are into extra marital relationships mainly because there is no love and excitement in their life after being married for years and having children who have their own life. I find nothing wrong in that since everyone needs their due. Since the men are busy in their own life, the women also have every right to being happy in their life and if there is someone who gives them that love and care without trespassing on their marriage then what’s the harm in that. The society has opened up now and these days women of all age groups follow their hearts. ”
The gigolo clause?
The modern day Punjabi bahu and a woman doesn’t mind getting her hands dirty with some fun in the sack.
Raman, wife of a rich landlord from Bathinda shifted to Chandigarh to make her sons study in the best of schools in Chandigarh. Since she doesn’t get along with her husband, she doesn’t mind patronising gigolos once in a while when she parties with her friends. Chandigarh and Punjab has a rich nexus of gigolos who are ready to provide all kinds of services to his patron’s right from striptease sessions in bachelorette parties to one night stands besides weekend affairs.
One of the daughter in law of the, Lambas, another prominent business family from the region too is a regular customer of one of the gigolo agency from the region.
Adding more, Jasmine Singh, an air hostess based in Chandigarh, says, “My friends and I don’t mind some quick fun and hiring male escorts is very common in the city, whenever my friends and I plan a party, we always hire a gigolo. When men can hire calls girls and escorts why can’t women do the same. What happens to the gender equality then?”
Agrees Monita Chibber, another businesswomen from Amritsar, “in the elite circles of the city, women these days don’t hesitate to hire gigolos just for fun and some happy moments. It gives us some much needed respite from the mundaness of life and also adds a punch to life.”
Talking on the same, 40 year Gupta, who is known for supplying boys to the parties of the super-rich and affluent women from the region, says, “We have daughters and daughter in laws of the rich and famous families giving calls to us from unknown numbers wanting to inquire and invite our boys for their parties and night outs. We charge somewhere between 10000-25000 depending on the kinds of boys we send. Most of our boys are trained in strip tease and pole dances.”
Agrees another male escort supplier in the region, “Women across all age groups from spinsters, college goers to married women with husbands and children don’t mind hiring gigolos to perform at their strictly all women parties which are wild. We have various categories and types of escorts who charge according to the time they put in and services they provide. In our business confidentiality is important and we strictly maintain it. There is no question of anybodys exploitation because the deal is transparent.”
The various gigolo clubs of the state has its customers in most of the cities of Punjab right from Jalandhar, Amritsar, Ludhiana, and Patiala to cities like Ferozepur and Bathinda, besides others.
Talking about his work, a Robby Singh, a gigolo and a small time model from Delhi says, “I have been to Punjab and Chandigarh umpteen times, infact I have been to Jalandhar and Chandigarh thrice in the last month for some parties where they wanted gigolos to perform. The parties are fun and wild. I charge around 30000 to provide my services.” In fact gigolos are being invited to pre wedding bashes and bachelorette parties and they come as part of the wedding features being provided by big companies.
Elaborating about his understanding of the kind of women he has catered to, Singh says, “Most of the women want to have fun and are looking for some variety in their boring lives. Most of these have money and don’t know what to do with it. They have everything in life except for love and appreciation and that’s what they look for from me. Sometimes I don’t believe the kind of requests that I get to do weird things. Most of the times the women calling me are house wives, spinsters, independent working women besides air hostesses and fashion designers.”
Is being unfaithful alright?
When it comes to love there are no hard and fast rules.
Simmi Parashar, a relationship expert from Chandigarh, opines, “Relationships are losing their substance and are becoming shallow. The old institution of marriage is defunct in present times of drinks, drugs and sex. Men doing it was not new but in the last few years I have seen women from all age groups and strata’s come to me to seek relationship advices. Most of the times they are involved in relationships which are extra marital but very fulfilling for the women both physically and mentally. They come to me to seek a refuge from the sense of guilt which they experience while going on with two parallel relationships. A woman needs love and support from her husband and when she fails to find it in her marriage, the woman starts looking for fulfilment outside the institution of marriage.” Well, who is to blame here?
Parminder Singh, cosmetologist with a leading hospital in Delhi, shares, “most of my clients are women in the age group of 35-40 who come in to get all kinds of plastic surgeries done right from liposuction, breast firming, tummy tucks, botoxes, besides getting their hymenoplasty done. The main motive is to look and feel young and get on with their life and enjoy all the pleasures of youth again.”
Gagandeep Kataria, a psychologist from Chandigarh, analyses the trend, “A healthy relationship needs love and fulfilment both psychologically and physically to remain happy. When anything goes missing and the sense of self-respect and worth goes debunk people start straying in a relationship. Constant appreciation, love and variety in life is what is needed to maintain a healthy relationship.”
Time for some serious introspection in the present day relationships. Well, what so ever happened to the good old definition of love we grew up with?