RELATIONSHIP QUERIES

RELATIONSHIP

Q1. Is a relationship all about commitment?

No, a relationship is about more than just a commitment. Commitment has its place in a relationship, but there is so much more that needs to be focused on. Trust, security, taking responsibility for your own feelings, warmth, affection, laughter and fun, enjoying time apart as well as together, learning through conflicts, and the physical, emotional and intellectual spark. These are what relationships are about as well as commitment. I have had the pleasure of being an adult male for quite some time, and I’ve seen relationships come and go. Some last longer than others, but the one thing I’ve see as a consistent behaviour is the desire for others to focus on each of these traits. Being committed is fine, and I recommend if you want your relationship to go far, but the keys to a successful relationship can be had if you focus on what I mentioned as a team, and with the enthusiasm of a honeymooner.

Q2. What are the signs that depict that a guy is actually serious for you?

I’ve always believed if he makes time for you, if he shares his deepest secrets with you, and if you become his priority, then the man in your life has proven to you just how serious he is for you. It’s just that simple. Wait for those three things to become clear to you.

Q3. Is “out of sight out of mind” thing true in case of boys?
It depends on what exactly has their sight and mind at the present time. Unfortunately, there will always be “the bigger and better deal” out there for men, because of the ratio between men and women, but it really doesn’t matter who or what is out there if he is dedicated to the relationship.

Q4. Does physical intimacy make partners lose interest in the relationship or makes it stronger?
I’m not going to lie, some men just want sex. Once they become intimate, some will lose interest in the woman. There are more partners on the other end of the spectrum that show how the relationship becomes stronger and it builds the relationship. I’ll be the first to admit that sex isn’t for everybody, because everyone can’t handle the heightened intensity that follows it, and that makes some people lose interest in the relationship.

Q5. How to distinguish whether it’s love or just lust from his side?

Simple.

Love gives.

Lust takes.

Whatever he does in the relationship that adds to your personal, emotional or physical well-being is love (selflessness). Whatever he does in the relationship that takes away from your personal, emotional or physical well-being is lust (selfishness).

Q6. How to determine if I am in a Toxic Relationship?

Deep down inside, every man and woman knows what they are not willing to accept. A toxic relationship usually sneaks up on you because you ignore the signs and red flags in the beginning of the courtship. If you know there are things that he or she does that you are not comfortable with, if you ignore them or allow them, they will continue and become the very thing you hate but didn’t check in the beginning of the relationship. Physical, verbal or emotional abuse situations are at the top of the list and if they are prevalent in your relationship, then you should leave immediately.

Q7. How to determine whether he has lost interest in me?

Every man lives for one thing; the happiness of the woman he loves. If conversation makes you happy, then he will make the effort to hold a good conversation with you (not every day, but more often than not). If making time for you makes you happy, then even in the height of his “busy-ness” he will sacrifice some of his time (not all of it, but some) to see about you. If he cannot open himself emotionally to you or hasn’t revealed a part (again, not all) of his “not-so-proud past” then he isn’t invested in the relationship.

Q8. What are the keys to a long term relationship?

Communication builds everything. If you talk to each other, you establish trust. If you talk to each other, you establish intimacy. People believe intimacy is built through the physical, but they are misinformed. Intimacy is built through the verbal, day-to-day conversation you have with your partner. Lastly, learn how to argue. Every disagreement does not have to start the next world war. At some point, you have to come off the argument and go on about your relationship. Case in point: I love the fact that my partner and I are at the stage in our relationship that we can be in the height of a very heated discussion, and one of us will say “what are we eating for dinner?” That’s it, argument over…

Q9. Can a relationship ever be fixed once an affair has taken place?
Absolutely it can, but both people in the relationship will have to go through a tremendous amount of counselling to establish a level of trust in order for the relationship to continue. Don’t take this lightly, there will be moments of doubt, blaming, arguing, finger pointing, questioning, etc. It’s not to say it can’t be overcome, but it’s going to take some time to establish anything that will allow the partner who was cheated on to be comfortable. Like I said, it going to take some work.

Q10. Why don’t guys express their possessive side more often?
Because we are not wired to go that way at a moment’s notice. I’m not saying we aren’t possessive creatures, because we are when we are feeling threatened or in jeopardy of losing what was ours. Men are loving individuals, just different from how a woman expresses it.

Q11. What kind of secret insecurities does men face in a relationship?
If a man is insecure, there is trouble on the horizon for the relationship. Insecurities are not good for anyone to have, either secretly or in the open. Men always fear failure, in every aspect we do not want to be considered a failure. In a relationship, a man’s insecurity is magnified if it fails.  This is why the right man will work for the purpose of making sure the relationship is good in the eyes of his partner.

Q13. What is the effect a girl’s past has on her present boyfriend?
I tell everyone all of the time: “I AM NOT THE BLAME FOR THE GAME THAT WAS CAUSED BY PREVIOUS CATS.” In other words, don’t take it out on me! If she hasn’t forgiven herself for experiencing whatever she experienced in her past, it will eventually trickle down to her present boyfriend. If it goes unresolved, no man would like to continue to be the punching bag, or the brunt of the unnecessary argument, or the subject of mistrust although he hasn’t done anything to cause the mistrust in the first place. What you’re saying to him is you’re emotionally not ready for another relationship.

Q14. What if my ex-boyfriend wants to be friends with me even after he got married to someone else?
My answer is simple: no, no, NO!!!  Distance yourself from any person you were in relationship with who believes he can still be your friend while he’s married to someone else. Whenever things arent right between the husband and wife, will he have a “sounding board” in you? I don’t think that will go over well for their household. Better yet, ask his wife if she is okay with you remaining friends with her hubby and stay in close contact him. That’ll stop it in a hurry…
Q15. Why it happens that all of a sudden you stop feeling anything for the person you were once truly madly in love with?
You don’t! It’s just a cover in an attempt to move on with their life. If you just stop feeling anything for the person you were once truly madly in love with, then were you REALLY ever in love with them in the first place? The heart will manage to protect itself once it senses heartbreak, but you never get over the feeling immediately. That in itself, will take some time.




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